|THE DA VINCI CODE
by MICAH J. MALONE
by MATTHEW NASH
by RACHEL GEPNER
by JASON DEAN
|ART SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL
by BEN SLOAT
by CHRISTIAN HOLLAND
|THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA
by CHARLES GIULIANO
If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. That’s what they say, right?
As common courtesy goes into the same trash bin as America’s reputation, decent story-telling, objective news reporting and the 10¢ cup of coffee, we throw up our hands and give in. There is no use fighting a trend, so you might as well just jump on board and give yourself over to the pleasures of the mainstream.
This year, for our third annual Summer Movie Extravaganza, we at Big RED & Shiny turned the ringer on our cell phone up as loud as we could, packed as many bags of Doritos as would fit into a backpack and headed for the nearest theatre. Once there, we called a few friends to see what they were up to, shouted out all the punchlines to the jokes so everyone would know how smart we are, and munched those Doritos with such vigor that God himself could hear. We were in heaven.
The indignant ‘shhh’ from the person next to us may have been the best part of our day, though. We had paid for our seats, and no snooty grandma was going to tell us how to act in a theater. If mom and dad approved of our constant kicking of the seat in front of us, no stranger was going give us a lesson, even if the usher was on her side. Those guys are paid to be losers.
When it was all over, and we had brushed off the crumbs and sucked the last drop from the bottom of our 64 oz. Coke, it was time to head back home and write our thoughts. We were so anxious to let you know what delights Hollywood had provided, we may have run a few red lights and, perhaps, thrown a finger or two. But hey, it’s summer, and if we can’t express our total awesomeness then why bother being Americans? Hollywood has shown us the way, and it’s treasonous to ignore their leadership.