Facebook Twitter Instagram Youtube Tumblr

A WWW LOVE LETTER, SWAK

0
By BIG RED

CHECK THIS OUT. When was this made? Is this a phallus made from the lights of tailgaters?

Imagine if all the pictures on the web were corrupted, but this one managed to survive, along with the entire HTML schema, and Tim Berners-Lee had to reinvent HTML, and this was the sample jpeg he used to demonstrate the new markup language. But, instead of the expected tags, he decided "WTF" was now applicable for the AHTML (Awesome Hypertext Markup Language), given that he now spent all his time on Chatroulette and felt a mix of ennui, jealousy, and sadness at the state of human progress. The WWW was intended to save the planet by killing post offices worldwide, saving us from the scourge of our overzealous desire to collect novelty stamps on the first day of issue.

Berners-Lee had several regrets — a main one being having to type http:// — though now was his chance to redeem himself. But, unfortunately, in an act of self realization, he decided to SABAT-AG-E the tubes, throwing a e-pipebomb into the works.

Al Gore wept, and his tears grew trees — new growth trees that ate the carbon, atom by atom by atom by atom. Whatever electrons were left, Berners-Lee absorbed, becoming an isotope, and therefore radioactive. Berners-Lee is now housed in a lead shed, designed by the Frank Gehry of the 1980's. Everyone came to the ribbon cutting.

Berners-Lee and the Internet were contained, and the only threat was the half-life of the entire population's personal Facebook accounts (nevermind the vacant Friendster accounts). History books lamented the death of the WWW, just as they had the polar bears. Papers were delivered, but from memory, since many of them were locked up forever in Google Documents.

EPILOGUE: The Patriots lost to the 'Nati 0-3. The game was called in the first quarter. Did a tree fall in the woods? Can anyone confirm?

This just in from WikiNews:

The validity of this article as a news story in its present form is disputed. Wikinews does not publish reports on events that have happened three or more days ago. If no sources can be found with details that have come to light within the past 2–3 days, then this story may be deleted.

-

While the world waits - here's the 127th Issue of Big RED & Shiny.


Publisher's Note: The EIC has a talent for creating placeholder text to amuse the BR&S team while we await the arrival of content. Usually these are worth a laugh before they are deleted and replaced with all the great articles you expect from us. This time, however, it seemed unfair to keep this to ourselves. --MN

Share.

About Author

Comments are closed.